dec 21 2020 - traverse via flotation

big planetary movements, a bod update, & 2 songs for ya

there is so much astrology to process this wk - which ofc, is to say, there’s so much to process and astrology’s framework provides some guiding questions to consider

here’s a handy summary i compiled just for u, dear reader:
[fr, don’t @ me, take me a little bit facetiously here, thanks!]

  • winter solstice ~ who’s ready for more sunlight but also, more winter?

  • (sun @) cap szn ~ who’s ready to be competent?

  • saturn / Jupiter conjunction @ aquarius ~ who’s ready for the next 200 years?

  • saturn @ Aquarius ~ who’s ready for my saturn return combustion?

and ofc

  • first quarter moon in pisces ~ what are we halfway to feeling ambivalent about?
    [i really went for that one, mhm]

here’s a slushee exclusive bod update (i.e. have not previously discussed on public social media):

a month ago today, i injured my foot a little bit. from running, of course! it felt both like ankle had been jammed and that it had become more mobile. it hurt to walk in most shoes, yet heels were fine 💀 after ~2.5 wks, it was better. healing isn’t always this easy but here, thankfully, patience was enough. b/c of pandemic and garbage health care, i trusted in my own knowledge of my body. i came to figure out what my little foot needed: i played with compression and ice and heat. i gave it rest and also found a way to keep dancing through it in a way that eased the pain. i didn’t run and was surprised by how much i missed it. my body gets attached easily, i guess. i pulled and stretched it apart. i curled my toes around a theraband and pushed and twisted it around in countless circles. i found where to spread the muscles of my feet to make it feel longer and wider and then one morning, it just felt better.

i’ve only run one time since. 2 easy laps around the track—never thought i’d ever say that lol. i didn’t time myself, just thought about rolling through every surface of my foot and how it felt to have the briefest contact between my feet and the ground before bounding forward, around and around. i would’ve run again if it hadn’t snowed here in New York (Lenaphoking and Wappinger lands) last week. as of sun evening, the track was still covered with snow.

and it’s so delightful dancing in snow. even when the paved path and the exposed dirt and uncut grass is just a bit damp, my shoes still have enough traction for me to compress and bend wherever my weight falls. my knees’ capacity for pliancy is my blessing.

when there may be ice or a variable amount of compacted snow beneath my next step, my knees will not help me as much. it actually feels most secure to lift my weight as far above it all as possible and traverse via flotation. as i tip toe, my traction is in the mobility of my torso, not my feet’s contact with the ground, like i’m hanging from a bar, except the bar is my shoulders and my tendril-feet hang beneath me to see what it can grab onto but always anticipating slip.

photo by me:  me keeping my weight above the ground covered in snow, left leg slightly bent, left arm raised, with bare trees in the background
photo by me: me keeping my weight above the ground covered in snow, left leg slightly bent, left arm raised, with bare trees in the background

so i’m dancing in the snow this week but i’ve also found myself just being still, which ofc is still dancing. i’ll find a highest point in my park and just stand, looking out, 500% space cadet.

i realized today that i haven’t had a week off since 2019 lol (i forgot i was still online that week i was out of town) and probably won’t til 2021 lol. thankful to have work rn and just sending a shout out to Saturn and Jupiter or whatever planetary body to plz give me some PTO in 2021, just one wk without work calls or mtgs.

there’s a tidy conclusion i could draw about ballet training (2010-15, “pull up,” yes nice and “lifted”) and tip toeing in the snow and freelancing (gotta zoom out to remember all my projects at all times) and inertia making this skimming the surface while suspended from nowhere feel like a foregone conclusion. but i won’t LOL.

though really, the obvious axiom is i much prefer feeling grounded and reassured that i can take time off and it’s not all gonna fall out from under me if i slow down for a sec and let gravity take over. since the nation-state won’t provide that traction, hm…

[tweet: top image: café art of a cat with pursed lips. bottom image: café art of a cat with a big open mouth]

looking back

i was thinking about how my recent IG posts have taken on the format of mid-2019 slushees. s/o to those of you who were reading then! can’t believe i’ve been tossing off my frenetic chaos brain to the gram LOL

last year (jk, it was my first slushee of 2020 LOL), i participated in the then- and still now-clichéd practice of bemoaning end-of-year lists and saving my previously prepared list in a draft. reply back if you want some before-times 2019 highlights. this year, you know i bemoan and gift you anyways with two deep-cut song moments from 2020, specifically

the first 30 seconds of Jessie Ware’s “Save a Kiss” ~ a both insufferably long and way too short intro before she sings “high anticipation is an emotional trap”

the last 30 seconds of Empress Of’s “Void” ~ she sings “I feel voi-oi-oi-oi” and the closure of the ‘d’ never arrives

~~ till ~2021~ ~~~~~
benedict