nov 21 2020 - scatterplot brain

blegh math, yay short fragments;

dear reader,

my brain is a scatterplot, no line of best fit

i’ve thought of everything i could say and everything I should say and you’re getting the edited version

“is subtweeting productive?” for processing and/or internet content?

i’ve spent a lot of good coherent sentence energy this week sending emails that mostly were not responded to and that’s the way it goes

this scorpio szn brought so much to me. namely clarity

I love a first quarter moon in Aquarius. last nite, Jordan Demetrius Lloyd’s film “The Last Moon in Mellowland” premiered. the first project I curated with “soft bodies in hard places” was called “revolutionary new moon in aquarius.” different moon phases, but Aquarius, thanks for looking out!

if u haven’t already, watch before Dec 31! share if u’d like, etc.!

Aquarius is the water bearer. Stephanie and I haved discussed this more than a few times.

because my brain can’t process much new television and sometimes I want it to rot (this is where I am), I recently rewatched the highly chaotic and thoroughly delightful episode of “Dix pour-cent” (Call My Agent, on Netflix) featuring French actress Isabelle Huppert running around Paris juggling her her (over)commitments and a breach of exclusivity contract. the satire, the caricature… but it’s real!

tonight’s first quarter moon officially hits its geometry at 11:45pm EST, twenty-two minutes before this substack got sent to ur inbox*

how do i stop writing not stop writing

when my brain is literally MUSH

i worry that one of my vegging tools (i’ve noticed this recently and have stopped, phew!) to distract from overstimulating of ~~everything else~~ is looping the same inane tiktoks again and again. apparently, i’ll take certainty wherever I can find it!

wait, why do i enjoy drafting on this interface and this font? i did not expect this revelation to disorient me so. maybe i’ll remove the “ruler” view from MS word, where so much else is happening ;) (heehee, maybe more someday)

“Mellowland” - as a place, as a passage thru a time, feels like a summer, the late part of it where i’m already a little nostalgic for something that hasn’t ended yet. it is sweet and bittersweet and I know enough to soak it up. of course, this thought is inevitably also a curator statement; this is public platform, this is a biased response but if we acknowledge that,

just read what i’m saying and take it with that context. we are in a state where we still have to remind each other we know we’re not “objective”—when ideas have afterlives or never died, just entered into the architecture of thought and it’s easy to forget there was something before that building there….

i’m a reasonable amount of anxious for what this sagittarius szn has in store to humble me ;)

i’ve had a few mornings this wk where i’ve listened to the same song (a different one on each morning) for hours on repeat, sometimes while writing aforementioned emails, sometimes just trancing

i’ve command-x’d 4 vignettes from this draft and placed them in one of the aforementioned MS word docs, where i’ll hold onto them for later or maybe, just for me

of the many ways internet performance can be perceived, talking about Mellowland as many times as I have could be read as self-serving, which, fair. and also, this project has occupied a lot of my brain space for this past week especially so, you’ll forgive me

i’m writing this statement with 8 minutes to spare before the arbitrary deadline of the moon’s passage*, as if I didn’t send my last slushee a day late LOL, as if the moon were a perfect sphere or circle in the sky anyway

as my writing readers know, I write LONG and am thankful for Chen Chen’s recent craft essays for reminding me to embrace fragmented floating in deep space brain and just let this be form

sometimes, you can’t @ someone anymore and subtweeting feels like a welcome avenue fwd in ~~our social media age~~, a fleeting fuck you with little consequence (unless we want it to have consequence 😘, then we make the tweet a bit sharper )

*JK, i’m still rambling haha LOL ;)

remembering the times (somehow plural!!?) this fall where people (again plural?!) have told me part of my brand is my thorough knowledge of internet goings-on. i wish to know about other things!

for example i have read a certain forthcoming book (which, for reasons suggested elsewhere in this slushee, i will not name directly, but u can msg me) that reproduces and absolutely skewers the fragmentary writing form as a “recent trend” and, i absolutely see it — the need to poke at this form, the delight in producing it ;)

earlier, was mindless swiping my thru my phone and it “suggested” this “memory,” and i just spent 5 long minutes trying to find it again (hint: it was found in the place where the surveillance tech first suggested it to me) to share it with u here

to beautiful beach days next summer; to a scrumptious winter of some kind!

HEART and SHARE, etc. if ya want lol b/c UGH ;)
;) bn