sept 21 2019 - slow burn making

as they lay dying, like the cat

I can’t help this is where I am the; repetitions and obvious statements are a revelation in themselves and yes, this is me being generous to myself and it feels okay :::

I definitely knew this slushy was coming but couldn’t extract a framework for it. I have many so many thoughts about many things, some of them are in word-form, and I realized most of them aren’t ready for you to read so i’ll invite myself to write about this moment of gratitude for the abundance of discourse circulating inside my skull, even though this wealth of thought is exhausting

and I leave it there because I think a semi-specific list of topics would be more annoying than the wordy truism (what I basically meant was: can you believe people have multiple thoughts! at the same time! omg!) but we know I can’t not write the latter so…

happy 3rd quarter moon in gemini y’all

happy end of virgo season - in which my systems are in the same shambles as my life but these ideas, possibilities, relationships, processes, projects, wants, worries — they marinate, things wait, things are patient for a time in which they’ll be ready to live the lives they were meant to

even if some of them are just being insufferable in their current impatience, lol

they’ll evolve, or maybe, not

and also, some people look at me and:


and it will be a long time (the ~end of capitalism~ lol) before these reminders stop being useful:

the mood, really:

and yet, there are people who can walk like this #performance

I remember strutting down the runway for #nyfw a couple weeks ago and not fully being in the expected headspace for that kind of day and yet I kept walking and for that


in case you’ve missed any one of the Jia Tolentino tl/dr; s out there, the media is a big smoke machine and yes, I read all three of these pieces with equal parts glee and disgust. #trainwrecks

sometimes, pieces are months in the slow burn making but when they emerge from the oven, they don’t feel overly precious. just deliberately existing and i’m thankful for generous people like Monique Truong

i’m also thankful for the impending ending of this virgo szn - not be cause it hasn’t been instructive and itself but I am ready for time to keep washing me away or maybe, keep circling the non-human affects (you know, burnout, overwork, the ones I can’t not write about) as they lay dying, like the cat surrounded by these parading turkeys :

to autumn and to crunchy leaves for all,

your very fave bn

ps. plug: loveconductors present ‘ghoul|take III’ at ISSUE Project Room on Wed Sept 25 at 8pm. reply back for discount code or if you wanna come to the dress on Tue Sept 24